“I wear pain on my hips…”What does that even mean ? It’s about me and my struggle with body image issues and weight for most of my life. My whole life has been a diet yo-yo. We all have our silent struggles and the ways we deal them. It just so happens my way of “dealing” with things showed up on my hips. And thighs. And my butt. And my boobs and belly. My way to self soothe was with food. I am certainly an emotional eater.
Happy? Eat.
Sad? Eat.
Stressed? Eat.
Bored? Eat.
Celebration? Eat… but a whole lot more cuz it’s a CELEBRATION!
It’s still a battle. I just have better weapons and am more prepared to fight. I’ve been gathering tools and strategy for years now. I didn’t realize that’s what I’ve been doing. I am thankful for all I’ve learned.
I’m still learning.
Still growing.
The biggest thing I’ve learned : I thought my battle was with food. It wasn’t. It was with myself. My head & heart have been healing. I had to get “behind the fat” so to speak… Figure out WHY I’m stuck and struggling. That’s where the hard work is. As I’ve healed from the inside out the body has just followed.
When I look at pics of myself from a few years ago , or even 20 years ago I feel sad for that girl. Not because of my size. I see her pain and I want to hug her. I may not have taken good care of her head and heart back then, I most certainly am taking care of her/me now. I want to tell her that she is so worth loving. I want to tell her that “being loved” must start with her learning how to love herself …once she does that she can let others in. What does that even look like though? To “love yourself”… It’s just muffled words and a beautiful cliche until you actually begin walking out your journey of healing. Then you experience for yourself what it means to choose to love yourself. Loving yourself looks like setting healthy boundaries- mentally, physically and emotionally. I had no idea how to do that.
I struggled with so many self image issues. A lot of that came from trauma that I experienced during childhood and into my young adult years. It took me years to find my way. I’ve tried this thing or that to “lose weight”. I’ve done fad diets (the chicken broth & cayenne pepper one was a doozy) I’ve taken medication. I have restricted myself. I have been way too easy on myself and made excuses for my behavior. I have justified in my mind why I eat (& drink) the way that I do. This was much more of an issue when I was working nights. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that it’s easy to work nights and not want to graze because you’re tired… it’s an added challenge for sure!
I did have the bariatric sleeve surgery in 2018. For me, It was like hitting a reset button. I’m so glad I did it. But surgery only gets you so far. YOU MUST work on you. You must change habits, otherwise you’ll be right back where you were. And with added guilt because you took extreme measures to lose and now your back where you started. I’ve lived that.
People have recently asked me “Girl! What are you doing to lose weight? Tell me your secret!” My weight loss is not from doing ONE thing, per se. It’s a mix of settling in my mind that I HAVE TO change and DO different if I want to BE different. It’s been finding the right fit with a great program that works for me.
In all honesty, sticking with ANY program will help. You do need to find what works best with and for you… but you MUST stick to it. You must change HOW you “do food”. I wasn’t looking for a “quick fix” diet. I wanted a lifestyle of health. I’ve participated in some great programs. Years ago, Medical Weight Loss Solutions radically helped me and taught me so much (thank you Hannah!!)
This year, I focused on working on my “habits of health” and I participated in the Optavia plan (I love it) and I have very recently done a juice cleanse / detox (Squeezed) THAT was amazing.
Above ALLLLL else , I have been working on my head & my heart for YEARS. Lots of inner healing has happened for me. Changing my very unhealthy relationship with food and changing my mindset too. THAT is where the hard work is, really. See, It’s not about what I CAN’T DO or CAN’T HAVE… but about choosing what’s best for my body, my health and my future. I choose life. I am still working on repairing this body of mine. I have hurt her many times over the years. I’ve hated her because she was saggy & baggy, instead of celebrating what this vessel has done for me! This body has endured so much hurt. This body has brought 3 beautiful children into the world (I came by these saggy boobs honest!) When I began to see this body from a place of thankfulness and love everything changed!
Beautiful one, if you are just beginning your journey of health for the first or hundredth time let me encourage you to keep going! To change your mind from CANT’S to CAN. To love you enough to invest in your future by investing in your health NOW! You can do it. I believe in you and I’m cheering you on❤️
My Mosaic Life 